Trivial Pursuit

This is not a dream,

Though sometimes I wish it were.

Yet the thought of somehow being able to escape reality by dreaming just taunts me.

Because dreams aren’t always good.

They just remind me of more things that will never come true.

More things I will never hold in my hands, or see with my eyes.

Logic eludes me when I think of why I continue.

Continue to look forward to another day.

To another disappointment

Progression does not know me, nor does sanity

For I am always too preoccupied with problems that don’t die

Or problems that quickly replace other problems I thought would never go away

Like a fucked up game of round robin

Happiness, oh sweet elusive happiness

How I wish I knew your warmth

To be happy with life and with myself would bring reason and hope

For another day

Happiness, sanity, and progression all working together?

Yeah right

It’s like when the rain just happens to stop right where it’s needed the most

My life is that barren desert, a wasteland

All I’ve ever wanted was a little rain

To give a deserving smile, to receive one

That is all I want

To live, to want, to dream

That is all I want

To find beauty in something that is obvious and deserving

That is all I want

I’m not ask for much

Am I?

It seems as if my requests will never be fulfilled

For as long as I can remember

They have never been

Maybe I’m not asking loud enough

Maybe I’m asking nice enough

Maybe I’m not asking the right questions

Or the right person

Who knows?

I sure don’t, and in my 20 years I never have

Whatever I am doing or

Has not worked

What have I done?

What have I missed?

Why am I still hoping?

Why do I still bother?

Why do I still care?

Why?

Because I still want to live

I still want to dream

Because I still care

And I still hope

That all of this has not been in vain